


How hard can it be

by ColdAtomHeadcanons



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Len's a bit jealous, M/M, it's not his fault, just some randomness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:27:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9413975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdAtomHeadcanons/pseuds/ColdAtomHeadcanons
Summary: Raymond can’t even look at him. That’s something Len doesn’t expect, can’t expect, because he has no possible way of knowing.Because one moment he’s glaring at the Time Masters, knowing he’s going to die, but not regretting it one bit. He’s a little sad. That he doesn’t get to spend more time with Raymond. That he’s not going to see his face anymore and can’t say his goodbye. That he can’t go up to him and kiss him even once. That he can’t tell him how he feels. Though maybe that’s not such a horrible thing either. Knowing Raymond, the guy would feel even worse, his heart would break and he would feel guilty even for things he really doesn't have to. Even for things that aren’t his fault.Len might not be able to kiss Raymond, to tell him how he feels and it might be better that way, but he can give up his life for Raymond and his freedom. He can give up his life for the possibility of Raymond having his own. Of no one being able to predict Raymond’s death like that. So he smirks, and he holds the switch and he’s almost happy when the bright light shines through his very being.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ask: Len jealous of Ray and Nate "bro-ing" out together. :)

Raymond can’t even look at him. That’s something Len doesn’t expect, can’t expect, because he has no possible way of knowing.

Because one moment he’s glaring at the Time Masters, knowing he’s going to die, but not regretting it one bit. He’s a little sad. That he doesn’t get to spend more time with Raymond. That he’s not going to see his face anymore and can’t say his goodbye. That he can’t go up to him and kiss him even once. That he can’t tell him how he feels. Though maybe that’s not such a horrible thing either. Knowing Raymond, the guy would feel even worse, his heart would break and he would feel guilty even for things he really doesn't have to. Even for things that aren’t his fault.

Len might not be able to kiss Raymond, to tell him how he feels and it might be better that way, but he  _can_  give up his life for Raymond and his freedom. He can give up his life for the possibility of Raymond having his own. Of no one being able to predict Raymond’s death like that. So he smirks, and he holds the switch and he’s almost happy when the bright light shines through his very being.

Something he doesn’t expect happens though. He opens his eyes. That’s something he isn’t prepared for. He’s sitting back at the Waverider, the metal under him as cold as ever and for a moment Len wonders if it all wasn’t just a dream. But there is a small gasp, and when Len looks up, everyone’s staring at him.

Well, not  _everyone_. Sara’s eyes are wide and her mouth’s slightly opened from where she’s sitting in the Captain’s chair – something’s wrong, Len’s sixth sense is not only tingling, it’s shouting at him – Mick’s eyes are narrowed, but there’s the undertouch of shock written there. Jax and Stein are nowhere to be seen as well as Kendra, but there are two new people. And Raymond. Raymond who’s sitting the closest to him, staring at him, his face revealing far too much for someone who loves undercover missions as much as he does and Len frowns.

“Do you see dead people?” Len asks, pulling the drawl in his voice even more than usual. The situation itself is too weird, he feels like doesn’t have an anchor, doesn’t know which way to look.

He doesn’t expect the yelp and Sara jumping him, her arms closing around him in a tight hug. He doesn’t expect the tap on the shoulder from Mick, Mick who should be still mad at him, bruised face or not.

What he doesn’t expect most of all though, is Raymond turning and leaving when Len looks up to smirk into the man’s wide eyes. That stings. His eyes narrow when a guy – one that Len doesn’t know shoots him a look before he hurries after Raymond.

* * *

 

Len died. At least that’s what Sara tells him, how it is for them. There was an explosion and Len was nowhere to be found and they didn’t return to look back, instead they went on to get their revenge and make the world a better, safer place that it’s going to be without Savage. Len doesn’t blame them for not looking for him. He’s pretty sure he, himself, wouldn’t have guessed anyone could survive the Oculus – he didn’t think he was going to survive either, when he took Mick’s and Raymond’s place – so he’s not surprised that the team went on. He’s glad actually. Because them hunting Savage down meant that Lisa has a whole future in front of her again.

The months explain the changes in the team. Losing all members and gaining new ones (even though through loss and pain) and Len dislikes them. It feels like the animal girl took his place besides Mick and the new guy…

Len frowns as he looks over to the corner where Raymond is sitting next to  _Nate_. They sit close together, whispering back and forth and there’s a small smile playing on Raymond’s lips. One that Len remembers from way back, when they became ‘friends’ after Vostok, after Gulag, after Mick dragged Raymond in everything that was Len and Mick until then, after the guy forced Len to – not face his feeling exactly – but to at least admit a bit of them to himself.

There is a heavy feeling settling in his stomach when Ray nods to the guy, obviously interested in the conversation enough not to notice the rest of the Legends, not to notice  _Len_. The stinging feeling is back and Len tries to force his concentration on the conversation with Jax instead. Not that he’s too interested in the boy, but he’s talking about the adventures the Legends faced while Len was away.

It still feels surreal though. Because for Len… for Len it was just a blink of an eye. One moment he’s at the Oculus, facing something that will kill him, he’s sure, the next he’s on the Waverider with the lot staring at him, hugging him… and Ray walking away from him.

“You’re still the same.” Mick’s voice pulls Len out of his musings. It’s only then that he notices Jax’s gone and Mick’s looking at him. Len didn’t even know Mick was in the room. “I thought maybe you changed. But you’re still gasping after Ray.”

Len’s eyes narrow at it, and he turns his face to Mick slowly.

“Since when do you call him by his name?”

“Since we fought freaking zombies.” Mick rolls his eyes at him and Len frowns. He knows that’s not the answer – at least not according to what Jax told him and the way Len knows Mick. The fact that Raymond saved him, or rather ‘cured’ him after Mick became one, had more to play in the familiarity and name calling, but Len’s in no hurry to show Mick just how much he knows just yet.

After all he’s not sure if this whole thing isn’t some kind of a fantasy, a dream. Or more like nightmare, he thinks as he glances at Raymond again. Len never doubted he’s going to end up in hell, if the Christian thing is true. He just never realized the hell could have too big eyes, stupid laughter, could walk on two legs and be too eager to please the one person it shouldn’t try to. Len never realized that hell could be so  _annoying._

“Your glare still can’t burn holes into anyone, you know.” Mick sounds way too amused for Len’s liking so he sends a glare his way as well. The other man just scoffs, before he offers a glass to Len. “It’s like riding a bicycle. Once you’re used to them they don’t work on you anymore.”

Len frowns and snatches the glass from Mick’s hand, lifting it to his lips. It smells like vodka. He downs the liquor without thinking too much.

“Who is he?” Len asks, fingers tightening around the cold glass when he notices the guy leaning closer to Ray, patting his shoulder lightly and the two idiots start snickering in the next moment. It makes something heavy settle in the bottom of Len’s stomach, and the sound of them rings in Len’s ears so loudly even though they are sitting on the other side of the room, that he almost wishes he was deaf. Len feels Mick’s eyes at him, searching for something before the guy lifts the whole bottle to his lips and takes a gulp.

“No one compared to you.”

Len’s not sure if that’s supposed to be lifting his spirits up, or acceptance or what… but it does make him feel a little bit better.

The feeling is crushed the moment Ray and the…  _the replacement_  stand up, with the kid throwing his arm around Ray’s shoulder, nudging at him lightly and going off to do whatever  _geeky_  stuff those two did.

…it better  _be_  just geeky stuff.

* * *

 

Len enjoys the way the boy’s eyes widen when he turns and finds Len standing in his way. The shock doesn’t last long, unfortunately, and he’s smiling wide way too soon.

“Hey. Len.” Len’s eyes narrow and the guy blinks. “Leonard… right?”

“Captain Cold for you.” Len says before the guy can get anywhere further.

“That’s…. cold.” The guy says, a small grin on his face and Len frowns. The look in his eyes, the cheesy puns, that aren’t even puns really, are so similar to Raymond’s… it makes him hate this guy even more.

“What are you doing?” He asks, making the guy blink.

“Well, I’m trying to perfect the time abaration-“

“Not with that.” Len interrupts him, taking a small step closer. “With Raymond.”

For a moment the guy stares at Len as if he has no idea who even Raymond is, then he slowly blinks. His eyes don’t shine with much understanding even after that, but at least he’s able to finally open his mouth.

“… I’m  _talking_  to him?” He offers and Len’s eyes narrow once more. He’s not the threatening backing into the wall and growling into your face  type that Mick is, but he can be scary enough on his own, when he tries. So leans his head to the side from where he’s standing, before showing his teeth in an unpleasant smirk.

“Now this is how it’s going to be.”

“Nate, are you here? I just find out how to accelerate-” That’s Raymond voice. Len’s threatening posture falls from him in mere seconds as he turns to face the newcomer just as the man steps into the room. Ray’s eyes widen when he finds himself face to face with Len, and Len sees his mouth slip open lightly as he’s stuck in the middle of the sentence. Ray’s eyes jump from Len to the kid behind him, then back to Len for a second before slipping to the floor.

“What are you… doing?” He asks quietly and Len fights off the urge to grasp Ray’s chin and  _force_  him to look his way. 

“Just giving some advice to the newcomers.” Len drawls, shooting one last glare to Nate, before walking out of the room. But not without brushing against Ray’s side. The man is warm,  _alive_ , and for some reason the touch itself seems to calm Len down.

Len can’t hide a small smirk when he feels Ray tense lightly. That certainly got his attention away from the new guy, at least.

“Ray?” Len can hear  _him_  asking when he’s out of the room. “Are you okay?”

“What? Uh yes. I’m fine.”

“Really? Because you seem a bit distracted.”

Len can  _feel_  the smirk on his lip widening.

 

* * *

 

Not an hour later finds the two idiots chest-bumping each other in storage room and Len bares his teeth before he goes off to find Sara and not really beg her for a time abomination.

Somehow he starts to understand Mick’s need to see things burn. Or at least the need to shoot things.

 

* * *

 

Whatever the metal Heywood is made of when he ‘suits up’ is, it doesn’t brittle and break when frozen. Something that makes Raymond overjoyed and Len stiff and moody. At least it, supposedly, still hurts like hell though, so Len takes comfort in that.

“It’s not like your little jealousy fits aren’t amusing, but maybe you should be more careful.” Sara says from next to him, a smirk on her face as Len rolls his eyes.

“I made a mistake.”

“You  _never_  make mistakes.” Sara says, her eyes glittering with whatever mirth she is feeling at the moment. It’s almost like one of those grins from  _before_ , a bit teasing and too smart.

“I made one this time.” Len frowns at the way Raymond’s jumping around Heywood, asking for tests and checking the frozen metal over and over.

Sara rolls her eyes at him and huffs. 

“You calculate everything thousands of times over in that head of yours to come up with every possible outcome before doing anything.” She says. Len lifts an eyebrow, waiting for the downside. “Maybe if you listened to your gut for once, instead of overthinking it, you’d get the girl.”

Len’s not sure what he wants to ask more – whether Raymond is the girl in this scenario, because if he is, Len’s sure he might not enjoy it as much as Sara thinks, or if going with his gut is the right decision, since said gut is telling him to poison Heywood’s food as soon as possible. Preferably after he asks Gideon what painful poison she doesn’t have cure for in year whatever in the future.

Something must be showing on his face though, because Sara rolls her eyes once again, before she waves her head.

“You know what? Forget about it.”

“I know the best years for body hiding.” Mick mutters next to him with a grin. It doesn’t seem any conversation on the Waverider can be private anymore. “Though the guy did help save Haircut from being eaten by a dinosaur, so maybe you should consider that.”

That  _is_  something Len should be thankful for. Fine. Maybe just freezing his legs to a tree or something in Al Capone’s time should be enough, Len thinks as he sees the pained, but happy smile on the guy’s face as he nods at Raymond.

He’ll have to do something about that. He’ll even start with the subtle approach, before he’ll actually get to freezing any parts of human body.

* * *

 

The subtle approach doesn’t work. It doesn’t matter how many glares Len sends Heywood’s way, how many times his eyes narrow Heywood’s way or just how many times he – very subtly – freezes  the control panel near Heywood’s door.  He believes the last one is mostly Gideon's fault. Especially since the second time Len did that, her face appeared on the screen on the opposite wall, asking him to ‘please refrain from damaging the ship’ with amused sounding voice.

‘Subtle’ doesn’t work with Raymond either, mostly because the guy always finds some excuse to leave the room as soon as Len steps inside, or as soon as possible.

It’s grazing on Len’s nerves. Especially since his hasty retreats are quickly followed by Heywood’s own and Sara’s all-knowing snickers.

“Go with the gut, Leonard. I keep telling you.” She says, wide grin on her face and her hand patting Len’s arm as she walks around him. “After all, you’re dealing with a socially dense person.”

“Which one of them is supposed to be socially dense?” Len asks, even though he agrees with her whole heartedly. But Raymond would consider it  _nice_  if he knew that Len stood up for him. It would be useful if Sara were to mention that to him. Ever.

She smirks. “Both of them.”

* * *

 

“Raymond.” Len says once the man’s standing in front of his bed. He can see Raymond’s back tensing at the sound of Len’s voice. Raymond spins around. His eyes are wide, his mouth’s open and he’s staring.

Suddenly his eyes move from Len to the door, almost hoping. Len’s eyes narrow, before he moves to stand in front of the door. No way is he letting Raymond escape  _again_. Enough running from this. Sara’s right. Raymond is too dense to work out the ‘subtle’ thing on his own, so Len’s going to push him into the water and hold him there until he either learns to swim or drowns.

It seems that Raymond can read his mind without even looking at him, because he’s standing there for a while, then he sits down in his chair with a defeated sigh falling from his lips.

“Len.” He whispers, the word barely louder than falling leafs, but it makes Len shiver all the way down to his bones. Up until now he didn’t realize how much he misses Ray saying his name. How much me misses having all of Ray’s attention for himself.

Len wants even more of it.

“Raymond.” He repeats, ignoring the way Raymond’s hand curl up into fists. “We seem to have a problem.” He drawls, pulling away from the door and stepping closer to Raymond. “I’m back for  _weeks_  and I don’t remember having one conversation with you.”

“It’s not like we talked even before.” Raymond’s voice is way too light, the grin way too wobbly on his face.

His words are also a lie. Sure, there was a time when the didn’t talk. But then, later on, there were all those moments when Len found Raymond sitting at Mick’s table, when Len thought about walking off and didn’t, those moments when Len sat down next to Raymond and offered him a beer. Those moments when Raymond shook his head and Len rolled his eyes, deciding to ignore Raymond altogether. The moments when Raymond started to talk and  _didn’t_   _stop_. Those moments when Len started paying attention to his words, smirking and even chuckling at moments.

Those moments when Len little by little fell in love.

Suddenly Raymond’s words hurt. Len’s not even sure he’s doing – his body moves on its own, and he crosses the room in a few quick strides, one of his hands curling on the backrest of the chair, just above Raymond’s shoulder, the other clutching at Raymond’s shirt, dragging him closer, smashing his lips together.

It’s not perfect at first. Len’s teeth knock against Raymond’s and Raymond’s pulls his head back at that. Len frowns, then his hand slips from the chair onto the back of Raymond’s head, his fingers curling in Raymond’s hair as Len kisses his lips gently this time, pressing his lips against Raymond’s over and over in small quick presses until all protests disappear from Raymond’s mind. Len can feel Raymond kissing back, Raymond’s fingers clutching at Len’s hip and Len smirks, before biting down at Raymond’s bottom lip and pushing his tongue into Raymond’s mouth.

Len doesn’t believe in Heaven and Hell. But if he did, he’s sure that Heaven must be something like this here, like being caught in this moment. Heaven must be having Raymond like this forever, desperate and wanting, and being in the same state as him.

But Len doesn’t deserve to go in Heaven, so of course it doesn’t last.  

When Len pulls back, Raymond’s eyes are wide and wet, staring at Len. He’s quiet for a moment, the only thing Len can hear is his – or maybe Raymond’s, Len’s not sure – heartbeat, can feel it all the way down to his bones and then Raymond opens his mouth.

“I can’t.” He whispers so quietly that for a moment Len’s sure he just imagined it. But then Raymond’s lips open once again, he’s standing up, pulling away from Len’s outstretched hand. “I want to, but I can’t. If anything happened again, after we are like _this_ , then I-“ Raymond shakes his head, unable to even look at Len. “ _I can’t_.” The voice is shaking and broken and before Len can open his mouth and ask what exactly Raymond can’t, the man’s already leaving through the now open door.

Len’s heart is thumping in his chest as he’s staring after Raymond. One moment they are kissing and the next Raymond is leaving and Len doesn’t understand.

… only maybe he does. Because Raymond was kissing him back, as passionate as Len felt and his words… his words sounded exactly like one of the worries Len had back then. That maybe if he gave Raymond too much, then he wouldn’t be able to survive if anything happened. But ‘dying’ changed a lot. Seeing how differently Raymond behaved towards him changed a lot, and Len refuses to waste even more time.

He knows that the whole ‘if we weren’t together it would be easier to deal if something happened to either one of us in the future’ is nothing if not bullshit and he refuses to waste time because of it.

Len narrows his eyes at the open door.  

 He only needs to change Raymond’s mind about it. The man already feels something for him, so how hard can it be?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me at coldatomheadcanons.tumblr.com


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